Let's Get Real
What do you REALLY struggle with? What are you REALLY passionate about? I'm unable to sleep tonight, I tired and in alot of pain, but I am blessed by all the blog buddies I've been reading up on. Blessed by the church that I've been a part of for the past 20 years. Blessed by my generous husband who bought this computer( my link to the real world). Maybe I've shared this with a few of you, but this new world of blogs has actually been an answer to prayer for me. This past year has been very difficult for me physically and emotionally. I've found myself struggling with loneliness and depression, pulling away from friends and familly. My poor mother has had to stop by on several occasions, during the day, just to make sure I'm still breathing! I've cried out to the Lord give me a way to stay connected to people... so here it is. I'd like to invite you guys into my life. At times I will be brutally honest and of coarse I can be pretty funny( though never supassing my infamous sis Bek).
One thing that's been on my mind alot lately is wondering what some of you really struggle with. Our church has always been wonderful about teaching us that we are sinners saved by grace. We all say that, but what does it REALLY mean? I'm grateful that I've been taught that my heart is sinnful and that we need to be aware of the little things. But what about the BIG things? Does anyone out there struggle with uncomfortable sin. I've heard women confess that they didn't have a loving tone when they spoke to their husband or getting angry at their wife for crunching cereal too loudly. I know that many of you out there have parents that are involved in your lives or children that are serving the Lord. But what about those whose lives seem to be crumbling? Those who are dealing with pain or tragedy? What about the young girls that don't have a group of friends waiting to greet them every sunday? What about that 'odd-ball' that just doesn't seem to fit in with any cliques?!? (sorry Bek).
Anyway, I want to know what's REALLY happening in your lives. I know most of you have much busier lives than I do, but if this rings a bell with any of you, I'd love to hear your thoughts. By the way... here's a very REAL picture of what I look like at the moment. Awful Right?!
One thing that's been on my mind alot lately is wondering what some of you really struggle with. Our church has always been wonderful about teaching us that we are sinners saved by grace. We all say that, but what does it REALLY mean? I'm grateful that I've been taught that my heart is sinnful and that we need to be aware of the little things. But what about the BIG things? Does anyone out there struggle with uncomfortable sin. I've heard women confess that they didn't have a loving tone when they spoke to their husband or getting angry at their wife for crunching cereal too loudly. I know that many of you out there have parents that are involved in your lives or children that are serving the Lord. But what about those whose lives seem to be crumbling? Those who are dealing with pain or tragedy? What about the young girls that don't have a group of friends waiting to greet them every sunday? What about that 'odd-ball' that just doesn't seem to fit in with any cliques?!? (sorry Bek).
Anyway, I want to know what's REALLY happening in your lives. I know most of you have much busier lives than I do, but if this rings a bell with any of you, I'd love to hear your thoughts. By the way... here's a very REAL picture of what I look like at the moment. Awful Right?!
Comments
i struggle with people. i feel very much like you do. i'm convinced i can't be the only one that struggles with my faith, what is true, what is somebody else' truth, with my own unyielding sin, and people I feel are fake. Very true, I have( to my shame) become extremely cynical... but I don't believe the majority of people when they greet me with their crest white smile and a side hug. "How are you?" I know that if I chose to unravel my heart with my innermost struggles and pain, they would already be mid side hugging my neigbor beside me. This is a good discussion question.. more later, I gotta go teach.
Anxiety and nightmares are beginning to take a big toll on me physically too. I wanted to let you know that many times when I am expiriencing these effects, I pray. You are someone that comes to mind often. Jenny Smith allways tells me that I should get my mind off of my issues and pray for others. I have said many prayers for you and strongly believe that the Lord will heal you.
Sean and I think of you often and love you both.
Thanks for getting to the REAL stuff!
Take heart. Whenever fear comes to me...and it is what God has been showing me...when we boil it all away, what we really hold is the hope that one day we will be with him and the joy that he chose to make this so, because he could have left us all to hell and that could have been the will of our holy God. This earth is temporary and I pray everyday for a more eternal perspective. Thank you Lord that I am a child of You.
Plus I have a lot of fear of man issues, like at school I always feel like people are making fun of me...
Thanks sis
Love u
Love your post! Right now...one of my main struggles is trusting God with where he has me. I mean...you would think I would be ecstatically happy...Im married to the man I love, and I get to be with him all the time. And dont get me wrong...that does make me extremely happy! But...its the being away from home, from my family, from my friends, from my church, from everything that is comfortable. Its really hard for me to even want to go to church up here sometimes...because I dont know anyone...I dont have friendships like i do at home...I cant call up my sis and see if they want to run to Target with me...I go alone. It stinks! Yet I know deep down that this is where God has me...but why cant I trust him?? Anyway...thats probably the biggest thing...thanks for sharing! I loved reading all of the comments...they are encouraging!
It seems like our church is great at embracing those that are doing well, but sometimes I feel that those who aren't doing so well are kept at arms length. Perhaps this is only my perception.
I'm thankful for each of you sharing, we can pray for one another and rejoice with each other when the Lord gives us victory over our fears and trials.
I have serious anger issues. I am an angry person. Also, I wonder if God really ordains things... I mean, does God make things happen, or do WE make things happen. I also feel like people 'play' church. You know, say & do all the right things because that's what they think they're supposed to do. I sometimes think church is a big movie production with actors & actresses rehearsing their lines. That's my story & I'm stickin' to it... I'll get back to you later with more of my, um, issues.
I had a comment about the churchy-people issue...cause I went thru a time where I really struggled with church in a big way. Maybe people are being fake, I don't know, but I started questioning why even participate, then (at the time where I really felt it was all fake). I came to the conclusion that I am not and will not go to church becuase of the people. I go to church becuase of Christ. He loved me and worked in my heart so I want to obey him. This means going to church and loving the people there no matter who they are or aren't. I do it for Christ. I hope this doesn't come across like I think I have it all togeher...I have to keep reminding myself of it. I feel very untogether in church...almost like I don't belong because I do got some issues. But when I hear the gospel it makes me so happy again..like I know sitting in my little chair that I'm right where I belong becuase I've just heard what God thinks of me. ANd it frees me from worring about others. Hope that's helpful to this conversation. :)
Totally with you there Judy! It's kinda like the Truman Show. I take great pride in being able to predict to David exactly who is going to be 'honored' this week or what someones prayer request will be. I know it's completey cynical, but Im usually right.
I'm right there with you on the anger issues. I've gotten better recently, but I still have my blowups. I was cleaning the other day and found a brown, sticky substance splattered all over the wall. It was a reminder of me hurling a glass of coke across the room at my husband. I couldn't even remember why I had done it... but this was something that happened frequently during our first few months of marriage... and still happens occasionally. Each time I promise not to drop the 'F- bomb' or through mugs, I end up just coming up with a more creative way of expressing my anger (some funny stories by the way). Anyway, you're not the only one.
I know that you of all people are one of the ones I can be completely real with. What I am struggling with? Hmm. Where to start. Right now, it's surviving. We need a job. We need to move by Nov. 30th. We don't have money for next month's rent, money to move, or money for a first and last plus security deposit if we did find a space. And you know about the other "little" thing :) I have to remind myself though to be thankful because we do have insurance, we do have food downstairs right now (God is giving us our daily bread, not monthly!) I am afraid of being humbled, homeless or going hungry. I'm afraid of not being able to feed our children. I'm worried that God is not going to be faithful to us and I'm afraid what if this time He decides that He doesn't want to provide for us.
I'm struggling with loneliness and discontentment. I miss being in a place/and in a church where people care. I'm struggling with only having one car. I'm struggling with feeling like I don't have Mike's attention (school is so demanding right now). I'm struggling with having no one to help me, literally. The nurse on the phone (when I was calling to get Samuel into the Dr.s) was incredulous. She said, "Are you telling me you have no one to help you?" I was humiliated. "That's what I'm saying, ma'am. I have to wait for my husband to come home with the car so that I can drive to the doctor's." Embarassing. I felt so sorry for myself.
that's what I'm struggling with.
JL
and i can vouch for the coke on the wall sis i believe i was there when that happened! ha, you have made tremendou strides in this area!
This is fun! Lets all say what we've thrown or broken or hit and see who wins! Just kidding everyone who've I've just alarmed. I better go make dinner for my sweet family now.
I struggle with getting my head out of the clouds of ideas to care for and about those around me. And, according to Jenn's comment above, not giving my wife attention (sigh). Can you help me Dear Abby?
signed,
Philosopher in Philadelphia
Hmmm. I think I can help. Maybe your darling wife would appreciate a lil pampering (from you). Next time you catch your thoughts drifting across the open blue skies of possibilties... stop... think to yourself, 'how much time did I just waste?'. Tally up the minutes/hours and apply it directly that evening to a relaxing massage for Jenn. She will feel cared for and thought of long after the pamper time is up. Good luck!
RJR