T.G.F.A-D (Thank God for Anti-depressants)

Did that title catch your attention?! Good! So this post is an honest cry for your prayers and a testimony of God's faithfulness to me over the past year. There seems to be such a sense of shame or reluctance among the christian community regarding the use of such drugs. As many of you know... I don't hide my feelings/emotions very well and I don't mind spilling the beans on what's going on in my life, however it saddens me to see people going through serious struggles with depression and being afraid to speak openly and honestly about it. Here we go...
Most people who know me have heard me refer to this 'mysterious episode' that I went through about a year and a half ago. Nearly 5 years ago my doctor put me on antidepressants to counteract the long term effects of the narcotics I was taking regularly. The antidepressants weren't a 'quick fix' but over the coarse of the next few years they helped me to cope with the side affects of the painkillers. Thank God for Anti-Depressants! The year David and I got married my doctor changed my meds, hoping to deal with some of my nerve pain. The result... No relief from pain and an extra 15 lbs. from the new meds! So I decided to try to live life without anti-depressants. I stepped down my dosage for a week, then off! (P.S. I would def. suggest dealing with a psychiatrist when going off anti-depressants... not a pain doctor). Anyway, this attempt to get off the meds left me completely insane in the emergency room... my husband trying to check me into the local mental institution( I also remember him trying to cast demons out of me?!)... then finally staying in a hotel for a few days so I wouldn't kill my precious husband! Yes, withdrawl can be pretty bad. I went to a psychiatrist who immediately put me back on the meds.THANK GOD FOR ANTI-DEPRESSANTS! It took me several months to even feel somewhat normal again. I later found a website dedicated to people coming off these specific anti-depressants... the suicide rate was unbelievable. ATTEMPT NO. 1: FAILED.

O.K. So hear we are again. When I found out I was pregnant in June, I decided to try stepping off my meds again (under the supervision of a psychiatrist). The meds are known to be safe during pregnancy, but I couldn't cope with being 20 lbs. overweight and pregnant. I was tempted to go back to my normal dosage when I miscarried, but decided to cont. as planned. So 12 weeks later, I am almost off the meds completely! Right now is the hardest time. I am at almost a week on 0 mg. which is a miracle! The last few days, however, have been extremely difficult. My skin is crawling constantly, I cannot focus on anything, I wander around the house aimlessly trying to remember what I'm forgetting... and I'm driving my poor husband crazy with my mood swings! I burnt dinner 2 times in a row last night and just flooded my bathroom forgetting that I started bath water!
Please pray for me if you think of it this week. Actually, David probably needs more prayer than I do! My pain has been through the roof as I'm withdrawing. I'm almost there... but this is definitely the worst I've felt in a long time!
I share this publicly because I need your prayers, but also because I have a heart for any of you in similar situations. David and I spoke to many friends and pastors along the way, but it's so much better to talk to someone that's been through it and understands the intimate details. I would love to talk to anyone that's considering weaning off drugs or just feeling insane. God is faithful if you're on drugs or off... or in between. Thanks for reading...friends!