We love each other...
She won today. I love her. She drives me insane... and I love her. I give her a kiss... gently push her out of the bathroom... wait until she's in the next room with her daddy... slam the bathroom door as hard as I can, just so David 'gets it'... slide down to the floor and sob.
She won today. Everything was a battle. A simple trip to the bathroom. Battle. A simple command... "Doodle, be quiet brother's sleeping."
"No! You be quiet!"
Defiance at every corner. She drains me. I love her. Even on a good day, Evangeline wears me out. Her energy level alone is enough to require a getaway at the spa. But her energy mixed with constant defiance makes me seriously reconsider my drug free life style.
I need silence for a minute. It's 9:30 and I'm worn out. I need to feel a bit more human... and less like an animal that simply eats, cares for her young and passes out at the end of the day... only to start all over the next day. I must admit that this feeling doesn't generally occupy my thoughts... but it sums things up exactly at this moment.
I got a hot bath while David tucked our unruly, spirited, dearly loved firstborn in bed. I gathered my emotions and asked the Lord to please give me rest tonight... and wisdom to be this little girl's mom. I tiptoed into my little Doodle's room and told her I loved her and that I was sorry for being angry. She responded by insisting that her Olivia pig was cold and needed a hat... maybe that's her way of saying "I forgive you mommy."
As I walked out of her dark, messy room... I couldn't help but thinking... "O.k. I give up! She wins. I'm done."
She called out "We love each other!"... "Yes we do, Doodle" I answered as I tripped over an array of torn up books and random toys.
Comments
Don't even know if you even remember our paths crossing some ten years ago when I was at Sovereign Grace for a year while I was studying at William and Mary - but your post reminds me exactly of our first bundle of joy. At his new baby checks our health visitor called Nathaniel a "livewire" - and then used the phrase on every consequent visit. Yeah, we know what she meant...
On good days I tell myself it's because he is bright, on bad days because he's just a brat. Neither is right. He is wonderful, single-minded, compassionate, stubborn, hilarious, thoughtful, obsessive about the strangest things, strong-willed and impossible. Love him more than anything and he's still our gift from God which is why he got his name.
Hard though. Especially when other moms complain about "tantrums" which seem to me no more than a whinge after a day where 2 hours and 37 minutes (yeah, I counted) were spent with my child red in the face screaming at me over something like giving him the wrong green cup for his milk.
"Spirited" - I have decided to claim that term with a capital "S" and take it as a prayer for the future...
And if it is any comfort at all it has been a lot better since he turned three! For now at least!
One day Evangeline and Nathaniel are gonna change the world...
And your kids are gorgeous by the way.
Sarah
It's not all complaints though, at least I have a lot of great writing material!