Sometimes sobbing and praying is the best way to start the day.
So many things to say...
I started to update my status on facebook... just to let people know that I actually made it through this day... but then decided to blog about it, since a victorious day calls for more than a paragraph.
This day started off with quite the headache... a literal headache. Thirty minutes later, David was out the door to work... and I was left, alone, disciplining my favorite daughter for shoving and hitting her brother, even before David was out of the driveway.
Time out (among other disciplinary actions) ended with a 25 minute tantrum of screaming and a grande finale of streaming defiant pee on the kitchen floor as she hit the high note.
And, somehow, I ended up in the timeout chair... sobbing and praying... 'probbing'.
She would not stop screaming... and she wouldn't apologize, which is why she was still in time out. I literally did not know what to do. So I just sat there in her time out chair...
... sobbed , cried, crobbed, prayed, sobbed, probbed... did I mention that I prayed?
I just prayed that the Holy Spirit would literally direct me. I was out of ideas. She was screaming, thrashing, turning red, turning blue, spitting and peeing... and I did not know what to do.
So instead of making her apologize... or sit quietly waiting for a timer to beep... I just grabbed her and held her tight. She fought it hard for about 5 seconds... then eventually melted into my arms, still screaming and crying, of course... but not fighting me anymore. I prayed out loud for myself... and for her... and as I prayed and sobbed and cried... my prayers turned into an unintelligible mush of groans and tears... nothing too dramatic, her crying still overshadowed mine by a long shot.
I didn't even think of it at the time... but it was the Holy Spirit.
"Likewise,the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." Romans 8:26
You see... the Holy Spirit and I have been acquainted for quite a while now... but we have been pretty tight since Evangeline arrived on the scene. I pray and ask the Holy Spirit to guide me throughout the days on a regular basis... and I believe He does.
If I had prayed a 'Jessica Prayer' at that moment... it would've probably been a bit 'over-spiritualized'. Something like... "Jesus, please help me to learn what you're teaching me through this 'trial'. I know that you have already met my ultimate need through salvation... so please just sustain me through this day." (all of that, I believe, is totally the truth).
But the Spirit had a much better prayer, one that I would've never prayed on my own. It had to have sounded something like this...
"Jesus, please send this exhausted mom some reinforcements. It would be great if that person could show up in the next hour... play hide and seek with the kids and hang out til nap time. Jessica needs a friend right now, so as the kids are both taking a 2 hour nap at the same time... please bless them with great conversation. By the way, maybe David could get home early, then someone could call from the grocery store and bring by some eggs, bread and strawberries by at dinner time... AMEN."
I guess I don't need to tell you that that's exactly how the rest of my day unfolded. I wrote on facebook ,this morning at 9:30, that I had 'thrown in the towel'... which in this case was a good thing. I have learned this lesson in many ways throughout my lifetime, but I'm still learning it. When I am weak, He is strong. When I give up in despair and have no strength left... I realize that His plan is perfect... and it has been Him carrying me all along.
I once got a picture of myself, paddling as hard as I could down a river... thinking that my hard work was carrying me down the stream... not realizing that it was the River itself. Eventually, I realized that if I actually let go of the paddles... the current would guide me and I could actually enjoy the ride.
He is the River... and the current of His Spirit will guide us. Today I lost my paddles quite early in the game, but thank God I did because the ride was much more enjoyable without them.
I wanted to share this to remind myself and others that the Holy Spirit is a precious gift. It's not necessarily conjuring up an awkward prayer language... although it started that way for me when I was younger. It can be power, and healing, and speaking in tongues... but it can also be an ongoing relationship with the Lord and asking Him to fill you with His presence... even in the most mundane of activities. It can be sobs and groans when there are no words left to say.
It was brought to my attention, after my recent post, that it seemed like I was mocking the Holy Spirit by joking about speaking in tongues while searching for a bathroom. I simply wrote back to 'my dear friend'... that I wasn't joking. Obviously, I find it completely humorous that you can utter your most desperate prayers while looking for a bathroom... but I was desperate, and that's simply what spilled out of my mouth. But I'm glad that she said something... just so I could clarify for anyone else that might have felt the same way.
I started to update my status on facebook... just to let people know that I actually made it through this day... but then decided to blog about it, since a victorious day calls for more than a paragraph.
This day started off with quite the headache... a literal headache. Thirty minutes later, David was out the door to work... and I was left, alone, disciplining my favorite daughter for shoving and hitting her brother, even before David was out of the driveway.
Time out (among other disciplinary actions) ended with a 25 minute tantrum of screaming and a grande finale of streaming defiant pee on the kitchen floor as she hit the high note.
And, somehow, I ended up in the timeout chair... sobbing and praying... 'probbing'.
She would not stop screaming... and she wouldn't apologize, which is why she was still in time out. I literally did not know what to do. So I just sat there in her time out chair...
... sobbed , cried, crobbed, prayed, sobbed, probbed... did I mention that I prayed?
I just prayed that the Holy Spirit would literally direct me. I was out of ideas. She was screaming, thrashing, turning red, turning blue, spitting and peeing... and I did not know what to do.
So instead of making her apologize... or sit quietly waiting for a timer to beep... I just grabbed her and held her tight. She fought it hard for about 5 seconds... then eventually melted into my arms, still screaming and crying, of course... but not fighting me anymore. I prayed out loud for myself... and for her... and as I prayed and sobbed and cried... my prayers turned into an unintelligible mush of groans and tears... nothing too dramatic, her crying still overshadowed mine by a long shot.
I didn't even think of it at the time... but it was the Holy Spirit.
"Likewise,the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." Romans 8:26
You see... the Holy Spirit and I have been acquainted for quite a while now... but we have been pretty tight since Evangeline arrived on the scene. I pray and ask the Holy Spirit to guide me throughout the days on a regular basis... and I believe He does.
If I had prayed a 'Jessica Prayer' at that moment... it would've probably been a bit 'over-spiritualized'. Something like... "Jesus, please help me to learn what you're teaching me through this 'trial'. I know that you have already met my ultimate need through salvation... so please just sustain me through this day." (all of that, I believe, is totally the truth).
But the Spirit had a much better prayer, one that I would've never prayed on my own. It had to have sounded something like this...
"Jesus, please send this exhausted mom some reinforcements. It would be great if that person could show up in the next hour... play hide and seek with the kids and hang out til nap time. Jessica needs a friend right now, so as the kids are both taking a 2 hour nap at the same time... please bless them with great conversation. By the way, maybe David could get home early, then someone could call from the grocery store and bring by some eggs, bread and strawberries by at dinner time... AMEN."
I guess I don't need to tell you that that's exactly how the rest of my day unfolded. I wrote on facebook ,this morning at 9:30, that I had 'thrown in the towel'... which in this case was a good thing. I have learned this lesson in many ways throughout my lifetime, but I'm still learning it. When I am weak, He is strong. When I give up in despair and have no strength left... I realize that His plan is perfect... and it has been Him carrying me all along.
I once got a picture of myself, paddling as hard as I could down a river... thinking that my hard work was carrying me down the stream... not realizing that it was the River itself. Eventually, I realized that if I actually let go of the paddles... the current would guide me and I could actually enjoy the ride.
He is the River... and the current of His Spirit will guide us. Today I lost my paddles quite early in the game, but thank God I did because the ride was much more enjoyable without them.
I wanted to share this to remind myself and others that the Holy Spirit is a precious gift. It's not necessarily conjuring up an awkward prayer language... although it started that way for me when I was younger. It can be power, and healing, and speaking in tongues... but it can also be an ongoing relationship with the Lord and asking Him to fill you with His presence... even in the most mundane of activities. It can be sobs and groans when there are no words left to say.
It was brought to my attention, after my recent post, that it seemed like I was mocking the Holy Spirit by joking about speaking in tongues while searching for a bathroom. I simply wrote back to 'my dear friend'... that I wasn't joking. Obviously, I find it completely humorous that you can utter your most desperate prayers while looking for a bathroom... but I was desperate, and that's simply what spilled out of my mouth. But I'm glad that she said something... just so I could clarify for anyone else that might have felt the same way.
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