Dear Christian,
Panic. That awful feeling of the weight of the world on your chest. You try to take a deep breath, but your lungs can't take in enough air. Heart racing and palms sweating as if you're on the edge of a cliff...
Depression. A wave of apathy that washes away anything of value or meaning... nothing matters when the fog settles low over your mind. Nothing.
Anger. Control. Frustration.
It's been a rough week in the Rockey home. It always seems to happen just when you feel like 'you've actually got a grip on things'. I've been keeping the house in order and even making dinners pretty regularly (which is a huge challenge for me). Evangeline has been getting great reports in school... and her behavior at home was even starting to encourage me. We've been making it to church... on time... with everyone actually dressed. The past few weeks seemed to be a breakthrough of some sorts...
Until...
I'm not even sure why... but last Sunday night I just kept thinking... 'brace yourself'... 'brace yourself'. I guess I had just been feeling really encouraged. Hearing from the Lord and spending sweet time with Him. I've been really excited about things the Lord has been revealing to me. I've been blessed with His presence... and feel like he's given me a very clear vision of what He wants me to be doing.
Lately, I can't help but see this spiritual battle that we're fighting here on earth. I've been convicted about 'sitting comfortably on the sidelines' while the battle is raging. My eyes have been opened, and I've begun to fight. I have a deep sense of urgency to speak out about this unseen battle. Because I believe it is REAL. I believe that there is a very good reason that my life has been overwhelmed by chaos and confusion this week. I am in a battle. I have started fighting and the enemy is not ok with that. Why would he waste his time with me if I was sitting comfortably on the sidelines? Why would he feel the need to thwart my plans if I was lacking in vision?
Dear Christian,
If you are being attacked, it is because the enemy sees something of great value in you. He sees Christ in you... the power of the Holy Spirit... and he doesn't want the world around you to see it or experience it. Be encouraged when fiery trials come at you... for they are being aimed at something of great value.
Brothers and sisters... if you aren't experiencing attacks from the enemy... ask yourself why. Ask yourself... am I fighting? Or am I sitting comfortably on the sidelines?
I did something very wonderful and dangerous a few months ago. In the middle of intense depression and panic I prayed. I started to ask the Lord to keep things from happening... "Jesus, I want to serve you... but please don't ever let 'this' happen."
For some reason... that prayer just didn't seem right. After wrestling with God for a few days... and by 'wrestling' I mean seriously questioning whether he is even good or if he really knows what he's doing... my prayer changed... "Jesus, my life is yours... I want my life to bring glory to you... not comfort to me."
Thy kingdom come... Thy will be done. That's a scary prayer. Because all of a sudden I let go of the reigns. I stop trying to control. I let him be Lord... of His kingdom... and stop trying to be Lord over my own little kingdom.
My kingdom, where sticky floors annoy me. Where out of control children frustrate and embarrass me. In my kingdom my husband should be planning romantic date nights. In my kingdom I want my kids to cooperate so I can fix a fabulous meal for Davy's birthday... and I want everyone to sit back and marvel at 'how I do it all'. In my kingdom I want time to walk on the treadmill... and I want to be pain free.
When I am lord in my kingdom I cuss my husband out when he frustrates me... and crumble with anxiety and depression when I can't control things. Perhaps this is why I shouldn't pray according to 'my will'.
But in God's kingdom he invites the messy and broken to be a part of his family. He doesn't grow impatient when I disobey him. In God's kingdom he teaches my heart to love and forgive my husband when he's annoying me. In his kingdom he uses attacks from the enemy and redeems messed up situations for our good. In his kingdom, being on my knees is more important than being in the gym... and I can rejoice in trials because I know that I am being conformed more to his image. When HIS KINGDOM comes... all things will be made new. There will be no more pain and suffering for those of us who dwell in his presence. The know the outcome is secure for his kingdom... which gives us such a glorious reason to fight.
So... I've learned a few tough lessons this week. When you pray 'Thy kingdom come'... you should probably brace yourself for things to be shaken up. And when the Lord tells you to 'brace yourself'... you should be on your guard. The enemy will use the smallest thing to gain territory in your life. For me... it was a simple thing. Indulging in a bit of anger toward my husband... it was just a tiny crack in the door... but within a few minutes... the raging battle was in my home and my mind. It was a strong attack... depression, anxiety, anger... harsh words being hurled at my biggest ally. I went from courageously fighting the good fight ... to hiding in a bunker.
But thankfully, the name of the Lord is a high tower... we can run to him in the midst of the battle and he will restore us. A high tower provides a different perspective... you can see the enemy lines more clearly when you are near the Saviour.
Today I am thankful for a God that cares more for my heart than my momentary comforts. For a Saviour who gave his life for mine so that I can be a part of his kingdom. I'm thankful for his Holy Spirit who is alive and at work... and is greater than the enemy I face. And I'm grateful for brothers and sisters who heard my cries for help. Who encouraged my husband and I to 'act like christians'... lol, hmm, sometimes the simplest thing can slip your mind. Thankful for friends to prayed for us and offered to watch our crazy kids so David and I could talk. Thankful that we don't fight alone.
Dear Christians,
Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4
Depression. A wave of apathy that washes away anything of value or meaning... nothing matters when the fog settles low over your mind. Nothing.
Anger. Control. Frustration.
It's been a rough week in the Rockey home. It always seems to happen just when you feel like 'you've actually got a grip on things'. I've been keeping the house in order and even making dinners pretty regularly (which is a huge challenge for me). Evangeline has been getting great reports in school... and her behavior at home was even starting to encourage me. We've been making it to church... on time... with everyone actually dressed. The past few weeks seemed to be a breakthrough of some sorts...
Until...
I'm not even sure why... but last Sunday night I just kept thinking... 'brace yourself'... 'brace yourself'. I guess I had just been feeling really encouraged. Hearing from the Lord and spending sweet time with Him. I've been really excited about things the Lord has been revealing to me. I've been blessed with His presence... and feel like he's given me a very clear vision of what He wants me to be doing.
Lately, I can't help but see this spiritual battle that we're fighting here on earth. I've been convicted about 'sitting comfortably on the sidelines' while the battle is raging. My eyes have been opened, and I've begun to fight. I have a deep sense of urgency to speak out about this unseen battle. Because I believe it is REAL. I believe that there is a very good reason that my life has been overwhelmed by chaos and confusion this week. I am in a battle. I have started fighting and the enemy is not ok with that. Why would he waste his time with me if I was sitting comfortably on the sidelines? Why would he feel the need to thwart my plans if I was lacking in vision?
Dear Christian,
If you are being attacked, it is because the enemy sees something of great value in you. He sees Christ in you... the power of the Holy Spirit... and he doesn't want the world around you to see it or experience it. Be encouraged when fiery trials come at you... for they are being aimed at something of great value.
Brothers and sisters... if you aren't experiencing attacks from the enemy... ask yourself why. Ask yourself... am I fighting? Or am I sitting comfortably on the sidelines?
I did something very wonderful and dangerous a few months ago. In the middle of intense depression and panic I prayed. I started to ask the Lord to keep things from happening... "Jesus, I want to serve you... but please don't ever let 'this' happen."
For some reason... that prayer just didn't seem right. After wrestling with God for a few days... and by 'wrestling' I mean seriously questioning whether he is even good or if he really knows what he's doing... my prayer changed... "Jesus, my life is yours... I want my life to bring glory to you... not comfort to me."
Thy kingdom come... Thy will be done. That's a scary prayer. Because all of a sudden I let go of the reigns. I stop trying to control. I let him be Lord... of His kingdom... and stop trying to be Lord over my own little kingdom.
My kingdom, where sticky floors annoy me. Where out of control children frustrate and embarrass me. In my kingdom my husband should be planning romantic date nights. In my kingdom I want my kids to cooperate so I can fix a fabulous meal for Davy's birthday... and I want everyone to sit back and marvel at 'how I do it all'. In my kingdom I want time to walk on the treadmill... and I want to be pain free.
When I am lord in my kingdom I cuss my husband out when he frustrates me... and crumble with anxiety and depression when I can't control things. Perhaps this is why I shouldn't pray according to 'my will'.
But in God's kingdom he invites the messy and broken to be a part of his family. He doesn't grow impatient when I disobey him. In God's kingdom he teaches my heart to love and forgive my husband when he's annoying me. In his kingdom he uses attacks from the enemy and redeems messed up situations for our good. In his kingdom, being on my knees is more important than being in the gym... and I can rejoice in trials because I know that I am being conformed more to his image. When HIS KINGDOM comes... all things will be made new. There will be no more pain and suffering for those of us who dwell in his presence. The know the outcome is secure for his kingdom... which gives us such a glorious reason to fight.
So... I've learned a few tough lessons this week. When you pray 'Thy kingdom come'... you should probably brace yourself for things to be shaken up. And when the Lord tells you to 'brace yourself'... you should be on your guard. The enemy will use the smallest thing to gain territory in your life. For me... it was a simple thing. Indulging in a bit of anger toward my husband... it was just a tiny crack in the door... but within a few minutes... the raging battle was in my home and my mind. It was a strong attack... depression, anxiety, anger... harsh words being hurled at my biggest ally. I went from courageously fighting the good fight ... to hiding in a bunker.
But thankfully, the name of the Lord is a high tower... we can run to him in the midst of the battle and he will restore us. A high tower provides a different perspective... you can see the enemy lines more clearly when you are near the Saviour.
Today I am thankful for a God that cares more for my heart than my momentary comforts. For a Saviour who gave his life for mine so that I can be a part of his kingdom. I'm thankful for his Holy Spirit who is alive and at work... and is greater than the enemy I face. And I'm grateful for brothers and sisters who heard my cries for help. Who encouraged my husband and I to 'act like christians'... lol, hmm, sometimes the simplest thing can slip your mind. Thankful for friends to prayed for us and offered to watch our crazy kids so David and I could talk. Thankful that we don't fight alone.
Dear Christians,
Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4
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